That kind of optimism, or playing the 'glad game' of finding something to be glad about in every situation, has helped me in some very challenging situations throughout my life.
Last week however, I was struggling to play it. I spent an entire week feeling mentally, physically and emotionally like I was wading through concrete. I had NO energy on any front. My responses to people and situations had me saying afterwards "for goodness' sakes Jacqueline, lighten up!" I struggled with constantly being hungry and craving foods I normally would not and have learnt not to eat. I ate a bag of lollies (haven't done that for 5 months). I ate a malteser chocolate bunny and a blueberry muffin. Despite Mish-style conversations with myself like "don't do it" and "no excuses" I did it anyway.
I missed a day of exercise because I felt like crap and I started to withdraw because I felt I had nothing positive to contribute and that I had stopped my journey while everyone else was charging full steam ahead to the finishing line.
After a week of ruling out possibilities, I reasoned it had to be something physical. Eventually I stumbled on to the fact I might need to increase my Vitamin B intake. On Friday I did just that and have been feeling back on top of my game ever since. What a difference. By Friday night I felt so good I cranked out 678 calories at the gym in an I-am-smashing-it workout.
In the past after a week like that, I probably would have fallen off the wagon and got into a lengthy conversation with myself where words like 'failure' and 'hopeless' and 'impossible' and 'can't' would have featured heavily.
1. I have wonderful 12WBT friends that won't let me slip off into the darkness so easily.
2. Despite the snacking, I still managed to do 80 - 90% of what was expected of me. The odds for success are stacked in my favour. This was a setback, not a failure.
3. I am the closest to my goal weight that I have ever been in my life. I have made progress that has amazed me.
4. I am not the person I once was. I try new things: gym classes, running events, workouts, meeting new people etc. I know I can be successful.
The new me is really a return and opening up to the authentic me; the one who always used to play the glad game.
And so it is this week that I am reminded how much I have to be glad about. I am so glad to have found the 12WBT and all the wonderful and beautiful crew and friends who share that journey to great health with me, and whose committment to being the best version of ourselves is as firm, sure, and cherised as my own.
What an honest post. You are doing so well and glad that you are on the journey you want to be. It is sometimes bumpy but as you said, you are still on it. Keep going!
ReplyDeleteOh, so much of this rings true to me, too (I also blogged about a pollyanna-style mentality). I think so many of us here have spent too much time 'playing' Pollyanna and not enough time finding Pollyannas to make US smile!! 12wbt is filled with Pollyanna's - perhaps that's why it works so well? Here's to finding that balance between guilt-free protein and, yes, guilt-free maltesers!! x
ReplyDeleteSo glad you thought of the b12! Do you take it as a tablet? And while it's hard for a newbie like me to read that even as you near your goal weight you still have times of negativity, I am really heartened by your ability to look to something like lack of vitamins to get you back on track and not let a setback completely derail you. Very encouraging.
ReplyDeleteHi Janie - I took a Blackmores Mega B vitamin tablet. I think too I've had to really think about where I'm going and how I'm going to get there and to focus on what is important.
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