Thursday, 23 February 2012

A letter to a friend about self-worth, perfection and sabotage

In response to a post yesterday, I wrote this letter to a 12WBT friend whose name I have changed to simply 'friend' for obvious reasons.  I hope it helps you......

Dear, Beautiful, Friend,
I know what it is not to love yourself; to loathe yourself so much that you wonder how others could possibly like, let alone love you.

I know what it is to think your worth is a direct reflection of the way you look.

I know what it is to look in the mirror and think the situation is hopeless and to spiral downwards further every time you fail at weight loss or have a temporary setback.

I’ve heard that negative dialogue in my head a thousand times that is so strong, it takes you straight to a point of sabotage so that no one needs to do it for you; you do it all by yourself.

Friend - the moments when I feel that way these days are minimal. I found myself some years ago feeling so utterly exhausted from hating myself that I had no energy for anything. I reached the point where I said to myself that hating myself hasn’t worked, so I may as well try thinking I’m OK.

Losing weight, changing your life, does not have to be about perfection or being the most inspirational weight loss success story for everyone else. All it requires you to do is do your best every day and be true to yourself; to make good choices more often than bad choices; to go out of your comfort zone to help you get to a better place.

I no longer think of losing weight in terms of perfection and failure or trial and error. I think of it as trial and success. I keep trying what works, understanding what doesn’t, learning from myself and others, and I keep practicing the behaviours that work for me.

Losing lots of weight also involves losing a whole pile of emotional baggage. Sometimes you can discard a bag pretty easily, sometimes you’ve got to unpack and examine the contents carefully because there are some things worth keeping and others that need setting fire to!

 Friend, when I last saw you, I could see from your appearance and in your eyes that you had made progress.  Despite the odd glitch (which we all have), you are doing a great job. Keep making small changes and it will add up to a big change. Most of all, trust that 'your man' and all of us (your 12WBT family) think you are just wonderful and beautiful inside and out. As you learn to feel better about yourself and to see yourself as we and others see you, the greatest love of all - learning to love yourself - will happen.

Stay strong.


As a Post Script I want to add that since I commenced 12WBT in Round 3 last year, I have changed so much as a person.  Practicing self-care - through good nutrition, being active every day, participating in life, making positive changes, trying new things and meeting new people - has had a massive impact on how much I love myself and enjoy life.  I truly believe, thanks to Michelle, the support crew and 12WBT family, that you can make the impossible, possible.

1 comment:

  1. This is a beautiful post, jacqueline - your 'friend' has a lovely friend in you. I am trying to head down the path of trial and success, rather than abject self hatred, and was so touched by Michelle's exhortation to go down this 12wbt path with love...with love.... That's a new concept for many of us. thank you.